Monday, October 25, 2010

Happy Birthday, Cullen!

I cry a little every year on Cullen's birthday.

When I was 17 weeks pregnant the ER doctor told me I should prepare myself mentally for my impending miscarriage. Labor pain was nothing compared to what my heart felt in that moment.

Today, my boy is three! He has been such a warm fuzzy in my life since the moment I met him.

I love you so much, Cullen! Sorry I can't write more, but we have to get going for birthday dinner!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo...infinity.

Saturday, October 02, 2010

Happy Birthday, Mina! (One day late)

Mina Sachiko Samsa

About a month before Mina was due, Jason started tearing up the carpet in our house and kicked off the tiling project of 2002. I was super freaked out about the prospect of being in the middle of this when the baby was born and I told her, "You are not allowed to be born before October first--and you are not allowed to be born AFTER October first, either!"

At around 11:30pm on September 30th I woke up in labor. Jason, remembering what we were told in Lamaze class, said we should try to get some sleep.

I couldn't sleep, and my water had broken, and the next hour or so involved Jason running around gathering photography equipment and calling people while I crawled around on my hands and knees panting!

He dropped me off at the emergency room door and went to park the car, and I crawled in going, "HEE HEE WHOOOOOO" with my pants falling down. And I was IGNORED. If I wasn't in wild animal mode I would have asked for help, I think... When Jason came in, they brought out the wheelchair. I know you're supposed to walk around, but seriously, I was way beyond that point. I barely got my pants off and she was out. I still had my pajama shirt on.

She was 8 lbs, 13 1/2 oz and 21 inches long... Chubby and cute from the moment she was born. I didn't want to be away from her and remember feeling tremendous longing when she was being held by other people across the room from me.

...

And from the moment she was born, she was a handful... I will just leave it at that!

But yesterday, when we were driving around together, and chatting the whole time, I was so moved by how much she has grown and I feel like eight year old Mina is like a reward for all the challenging times we've had! She is such a cool little person with sensitivity and insight well beyond her years. Her absurd sense of humor and creativity are an absolute joy to experience. She hardly ever cries anymore, but gets annoyed in the way that big sisters do when they're being looked at or bothered or breathed on. She no longer expects me to turn back time and make it so that I never wore the orange shirt that bothers her or do other impossible things. She is reasonable, and loves science and art and nature... She is someone I would have loved to be friends with as a kid and teenager.

Yesterday at her doctor visit she did almost all of the talking. SHE wanted to talk to the doctor about her concerns about her own health. She talked about feeling sick a lot and how nervous she gets. When he said the words "throw up" she yelled, "Don't even SAY IT! I hate hearing it, it's so gross!" But she didn't throw a fit... She talked about being nervous about germs and he said he was too and pointed out that he'd used hand sanitizer three times since entering the room. She even wanted a flu shot. She seemed slightly disappointed when they only had the mist!

After we bought the caramel apple pie she requested for her birthday she told me that the reason she wanted pie is because I don't like cake. *tear*

...

I will wrap this up by saying what I've said many times before:

Mina, I love being your mom. You rock. Keep on being awesome!