Sunday, November 23, 2008

Gee, I hope I wasn't too cocky

Last night I definitely felt like taking hostages. At one point I jumped on the couch and pulled my sweater over my head while Jason tried to make the children leave me alone. But, I pressed on, read to them, and didn't do any irreparable damage to their fragile little brains. That's always my goal! It's good to have goals...

TODAY I AM drinking coffee. Dr. Dude instructed me to take one more Paxil on Sunday so I will be needing this coffee.

Drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs. I'm sorry, folks, it's what's on my mind.

Sometimes I regret being so open about what is going on, like when family members worry about me. However, I don't want to filter my writing or start writing in different journals depending on the subject because that's too complicated for me and would discourage me from purging in this way, which is the best way I know how to stay sane.

Well, hugs to all on this Sunday. Live, Love, Laugh.


platensimycin said...

As one of your blog’s frequent visitors, we appreciate your courage for sharing your daily ups n' downs, routines and quirks, with us, many of whom are strangers indeed.

It’s a wonderful life you have, with a caring husband and a house-full of bouncing kids; life’s challenges will overtime bring you all to an even more fulfilling and exciting future ahead.

Louise said...

I think you're brave to post all of this. And I think you should do what you need to do--not worry about anyone else.

I don't think from knowing what little I do about this that anything works quickly without a little adjustment. Hang in there. I'm so glad Jason is helping you, especially keeping keeping the kids at a distance at times. That can make any of us crazy, medication or not!

Woman in a Window said...

Caramel Vanilla coffee creamer. Ummmm. Try it. It's a treat to start every day. (Oh no! That's a whole lot of caleries.)

It's when you stop writing what's going on that family should worry. That you're brave enough and strong enough, this is a good thing.

get well.

Anonymous said...

Of course the family worries about you! But I agree with your previous commenters - it's brave of you to post this, and when you stop writing about it is when we worry the most. Who knows, you might be helping someone out through all of this. I know when I was on anti-depressants, it helped a lot to know other people out there were experiencing the same things.

I was on Lexapro for a few weeks back when my parents first split up. I had just started on The Pill, which seriously messed me up, and I was on an HMO insurance plan with a family doctor who thought he knew everything about every medical specialty and wouldn't refer me to a gynocologist or a psychologist - and I needed that referral for my insurance to cover it. He just prescribed the meds and told me to take it easy. He also prescribed a full dose, and I was WAY too small for that. I was down to about 100 lbs. because I couldn't bring myself to eat because of my depression.

So I took the Lexapro, and I felt totally numb. I couldn't sleep and when I was awake, I just wanted to sleep. I stared at TV shows without even knowing what I was watching. The ONLY good thing about it was that I ate a lot. I went to see my gynocologist anyway, and she was like, "Is he nuts? Your Pill can and probably did do all of this to you!" She got me off the Lexapro and changed my pill and it took a few tries, but I found one that works great for me.

I know this isn't your situation at all, but I wanted to let you know that you're not alone. Drugs can mess you up if you're not on the right ones or the right combinations or whatever, and I think it's REALLY GREAT that you're so open about this with your doctor. It might take a couple of tries, but you'll figure out what works for you.

In the meantime, try tanning. :)Seriously. You put yourself in a box of light for 10 minutes with nothing to do but relax. It's sort of a miracle. Skin cancer is a small price to pay. ;)