Saturday, September 20, 2008

Two things that happened. Okay, three.

1. My friend who is expecting mentioned that she was going to Perkins for dinner last week.

Normally, whenever I see a Perkins commercial, I get this horrible pain in my stomach just thinking about it. However, after hearing an actual person say they were going to Perkins, I was suddenly struck with the irrepressible urge to eat a Teriyaki Chicken Breadbowl Salad. I fought it for days, but the thought just got louder and louder in my head.

Finally on Friday I convinced my friend Laura to meet me at Perkins for lunch. Yes. The seed that was planted last week was finally reaching fruition. As I opened my menu I remember thinking, "Well, I don't really need THIS..." But I flipped through it anyway, and...

To my HORROR...

There were NO BREADBOWL SALADS. OH PERKINS HOW COULD YE?!!! I sat there, stunned, flipping through the menu for MINUTES on end, unable to consider anything else.

It never crossed my mind that they might not have a menu item from over a decade ago.

I was going to order it anyway, and then I pictured the waitress saying, "OMG, is that like that thing from the '90's? Ahahahaha!" And then I would have taken off my shoe and bludgeoned her with it.

2. My mom is here for the weekend--something we've been planning for a while. And I mean planning. Meals, activities... We'd just fed the kids and all piled into the minivan, and were going to head to the Willy Street Fair where we were going to stuff our faces with delicious hippy street food. I turned the key.


I must have tried it fifty times. I sat there, stunned again. Blinking hard. Rubbing my eyes. Pressing buttons. Turning things in the off position.

No problem. I'll just grab the jumper cables.

I look in the back and...

No jumper cables! I remembered putting them in the back of--ahh, yep, it was the Saab. I tried the neighbors but no answer. After discussing it with the dealer (hoping that there was some magic button I didn't know about that would fix it all) I was able to call for emergency roadside assistance. Forty minutes later they were there to jump my car and everything was fine. My battery must have been drained from leaving lights on. I don't have to pay for roadside assistance because I have a KIA.

We were able to continue with our plans... Only about an hour and a half after we'd originally planned, and you know how I like being on time. You don't really. But anyway I just... I like things to happen when they are supposed to happen, damn it! Disappointment is not easy to deal with.

It reminds me of this one time a hundred years ago when I was at the video store.

They FINALLY had three movies I'd been wanting to rent FOREVER. I was so excited as I waited in line, getting closer and closer, holding my five dollar bill in my sweaty little hand. When I got to the counter the dude said, "That'll be $7.50," and my eyes got all big. I looked at my five dollars, and at him, and back to my five dollars, and back to him.

"But... I ONLY HAVE FIVE DOLLARS!" I yelled too loud but I couldn't QUITE control it.

"But... It's $7.50..."

I looked at my money again, then him, then the movies, then my money, "BUT I ONLY HAVE FIVE DOLLARS!" I repeated, sweat beading up on my forehead. After a long staredown, he sighed heavily and allowed me to pay five dollars for three new releases. Actually that was ten years ago, not a hundred, but you know, close enough. What a loon!


womaninawindow said...


Why is this so funny to me? But it is!

Louise said...

A happy ending? Nice video store guy. He must be the only one on the planet.

The battery thing would have made me crazy. Had that happen with a boat... twice. Glad you still got to follow through with your plans, though.

And Perkins? No pity from this corner! Actually, I feel bad for you. But I really despise almost all franchise food, and I think most other people do, too, because they change their menus so freqently it must be an attempt to put something on there that someone likes!

Hilary said...

Every now and then I just get my heart set on something, even things I know are totally disgusting like Perkins food. A couple of weeks ago I actually bought Ramen noodles, too. I get food nostalgia, and obviously, I used to eat really crappy food.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Hee hee, I love that he let you have them.