Monday, March 31, 2008

Tomorrow's the big day, and I'm being sentimental.

Jason asked me why I'm afraid of the dentist.

I don't know why. I just feel like I'm going to die when I go to the dentist. I know it's totally irrational.

The TV convinced me that not going to the dentist is going to kill me, though, and that's why I'm going. That's a terrible reason. Those damn commercials have me convinced that I'm getting heart disease and diabetes from not seeing a dentist.

Now they have to kill one of my teeth. Fill it up with rubber. Boooo.


I've decided to write a letter every week. That's what I'm shooting for, anyway. Lately I keep thinking about thanking people for this and that and wanting to tell people how they've made a difference, and it's hard to do that. It is. It's hard to do without being drunk, anyway. I'm going to do it. It scares me that I could spend so much time thinking about people and they might have no idea. I know I'm not the best with birthdays and thank yous when it is polite and appropriate to remember those things, but hopefully my surprise thank yous can make up for it a little.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

"Are you making a doily?"

That's what my adoring husband asked when he saw me crocheting this hat. I suppose it does look like a doily. Crocheted stuff always kind of does, especially if it's that natural white color.

Anyway, this was also made with wool purchased at that sheep sheering. I think it looks a lot nicer knitted, so I'll have to think of something small to knit with the rest of it.

Aveda, c'est possible?

This morning I woke with an itchy face again. It had seemed like it was getting better yesterday, that is, until I modeled a hat and wore my hair in such a way that it touched my face. Then I didn't take my evening shower like I normally do, and it occurred to me that the other day, while I did take my evening shower, I did not shampoo my hair. Then the next day, itchy face!

Maybe it isn't the strawberries. Maybe it's the Aveda Self Control stick...

Anyway, I took a shower, shampooed twice, and am about to wash the sheets. We'll see if eliminating the Aveda is the answer. We'll know in a couple of days when I try Strawberries again, I guess.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Cullen's five month schedule

I'm getting a lot of hits from google searches for two month old schedules, so I thought I would give the people what they want and talk about Cullen's schedule at five months.

6:30am awake! Time to EAT.
9:am Time to eat again, and then a nap.
11:30am Time to eat again.
3:30pm Time to eat again and take a nap.

This is totally wrong. Let's talk about what happened today, which is not typical, but what is? I don't know. I don't look at the clock every time I feed him or put him down for a nap. I don't count the feedings. I don't pay attention. I just go with what I think he's telling me he needs.

Okay, so this is how it really went.

5am Cullen thinks it's breakfast time. I feed him and put him back in bed, then return to bed myself for a few more winks.
8:30am Cullen gets up after we've all been up for a while, and eats.
11:30am Cullen eats again and then we have errands to run. He sleeps on and off for the next few hours.
3:30pm Home again, Cullen eats a little and gets distracted.
5pm Cullen gets serious about eating and then falls asleep, so I put him in his crib while we eat.
I'm about to wake him up or get him up--he is probably playing in his crib. Then we'll take a bath together since he's scared of the water otherwise, he'll eat again around 7 and be in bed by 7:30, same as the girls.

Then we party like it's 1999. The end.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Say it ain't so!

Last night I had angelfood cake and ice cream with strawberries. This morning, just like the other week, I woke up with an insanely itchy face. I was thinking about when it started the last time, and I remember that the night before I had gone grocery shopping while hungry and bought one of those cereals with the dried strawberries. Of course I had to have a bowl of it before going to bed. I continued to eat it throughout the first part of that week and my face got worse and worse, but I didn't think that was it because... I LOVE STRAWBERRIES SO MUCH. :( Oh dear strawberries. You have brought such joy to my life. I have had strawberries on my birthday every year, I have dreamed of having a strawberry patch of my very own, I have made your color my favorite color... How could you betray me like this...

Okay. Maybe it isn't the strawberries. I guess we'll have to conduct an experiment.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Happy Birthday, Leta!

It's hard to believe Leta has been around for FOUR YEARS already. It's equally hard to believe that she's only four years old sometimes.

The events of Saturday, March 27th 2004

8am-Mmm, breakfast with the family. Lazily eating everything in sight...
10am-Grocery shopping for some last minute items with mom. Waddling through the store is not fun but it will be the last time!
12:30pm-Mom, Jason, Mina and I meet mom's friend Leah for lunch at Monty's, where I wolf down a Mocha and a breakfast burrito, oooh spicey!
2:30pm-We drive by the house I like(d) and head over to a photo exhibit.
2:31pm-I'm not feeling great. Should I say anything? ...
3:00pm-quickly looking at photography. I feel worse. I want to go to the bathroom. There isn't one. Hm. "Let's go home, guys..."
3:30pm-I think we should get ready. Things are tense. I'm having VERY uncomfortable contractions.
3:45pm-I am on my hands and knees panting. This is getting serious and starting to suck. Jason looks for watch.
4:00pm-Contractions are five minutes apart lasting 50 seconds. Okay...let's go..
4:05pm-"Hee hee hoooooooo! Hee hee hee hoooooooo!" gripping door handle...
4:30pm-we arrive at St. Mary's ER where Jason heroically finds me a wheelchair and we begin our journey up...the others in the ER proclaim "she goes first!"
4:45pm-Jason helps me into gown and they check my cervix--5 cm dilated, ok she's really in labor.
5:00pm-Holy shnikes! Look at this birthing room! The luxury! Leather furniture! Whirlpool tub! This isn't bad at all!
5:00:10pm-THIS F-ING SUCKS! HEE HEE HEE WHOOOOOOOO! My back is in nonstop agony and I can barely tell when the contractions begin or end. What?! You want to strap a belt to my belly?!!! A-HOLES!!!
5:20pm-I am in heaven having just dipped into my bath. I love you all! Though...I feel like I have to pee or something...too...much...pressure...
5:30pm-I have to get out of the tub! I'm overheating and this sucks and let's have this baby please!
5:45pm-My wonderful fantastic superb doctor breaks my water--YEAH!!!!! Relief! Oh but wait--she discovers the baby's head is facing wrong direction...if I could give a little push she'll turn it around for me. OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
6:00pm-my cervix is 9cm back feels better but my contractions are fierce. I have nearly broken every bone in Jason's hand.
6:15pm-I am feeling incredible urge to push during contractions. I'm on all fours on the birthing bed, no longer able to control the breathing.
6:25pm-I'm 10cm dilated! It's time to push! They say things like "push like you have to poop"--um..."chin down, hold your breath while you push! Relax those legs(this is hard to do...) It's coming"
6:35pm-"that's it! Just like the last one, that was great!" I'm feeling the burning sensation now...and I hear them commenting on how much hair on the baby's head...
6:46pm-Leta's head is born! Oh my god yes!
6:47pm-Leta's shoulders are born! the rest slips out and they plop my beautiful cheese covered hairy little angel on my chest. Jason and I are crying about the baby as they wait for my placenta.
6:55pm-have to push again to deliver placenta--don't worry, this is a cinch.
7:00pm-I am rewarded with a toasted bagel and apple juice and it tastes incredible. Give me all the food!

I had no tearing, no stitches...not even enough swelling to warrant the usual frozen diaper on crotch treatment.

Jason went home for some Zzz's around 11 and I started having really bad cramping (the uterus shrinking)...I am in agony, again using lamaze techniques, until I get sweet heavenly wonderful miraculous vicodin...I even got some sleep after that.


Obviously Leta didn't give me too much trouble. None of them did. It's true. I'm sorry to all the mamas who have a difficult labor. Sometimes I feel a little guilty about my own story but I should really just be thrilled about it. I have had wonderful birth experiences and I will cherish the memories forever.

Leta is an incredible little person. She's full of fiery determination, she has an impressive imagination and understanding of human emotion/behavior for such a wee lass. She is The Boss, and she is mom #2 to Cullen (or am *I* mom #2? Hard to tell...) They say sometimes the middle child gets lost in the shuffle but I just can't see that happening with little Leta. She wouldn't stand for it!

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

I just wanted to say...

I really like this shirt.

I don't really wear a lot of t-shirts, but I like that one. I would wear it... even if it wasn't Wednesday. That's because I'm so cool.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

You've come a long way, baby.

Cullen is five months old today! I wonder, sometimes, if it's a bad thing to tell him how cute he is every single time I look at him. Hmmm... He just gives me the biggest smile when he sees me. It's so funny. We play this game of peekaboo and it's like, every time, he's so surprised and happy to see me. It never gets old. He's so happy it's like he's going to explode. He laughs and clasps his hands and drools...

He has yet to roll over, but during tummy time he can rotate quite a bit and I wouldn't be surprised if he starts creeping before any rolling over happens. He just doesn't seem to know that this is something he is supposed to want to do.

Tonight he was trying to do raspberries. He's gotten a few good razzing sessions out, but I can tell it's something that sort of happens on accident and then he just keeps doing it. Tonight he was trying with all his might to stick out his tongue, and it was the funniest thing I've ever seen him do. You could see the little wheels turning in there and the look of concentration on his face.


This week I'm up to five minutes of running, two minutes of walking, repeated four times. Today was my first day of this and I couldn't get through the last one. I'm okay with that though because I know that next time, I will. Also, today I worked on my posture. I held my head up high, looking toward the horizon instead of a few steps in front of me which is more natural to me. It definitely made a difference.


While I was typing this up, Mina got out of bed, walked over to me, held out her trembling hand, and showed me her tooth. I nearly cried! So tiny... Now she has a big kid hole in her row of bottom teeth. We put the tooth in a zip lock bag before putting it under her pillow. Now I have to figure out how to be the tooth fairy.

Life is so strange.

Monday, March 24, 2008

All about my teeth (lots of whining, despite the "no whining" sign on my fridge)

Apparently they look pretty good for someone who hasn't been to the dentist in seven years, whatever that means.

I need a root canal.

I also need three fillings. "Touchups" actually, because they are for some old fillings that have a smidge of decay and he doesn't think they will need to be drilled? Anyway...

After all my dental work is complete, we will be out about $1K. Isn't that fun and exciting? No wonder my mom was always so pissed off after my dentist appointments. :P Jason said, "Don't you feel better now?"


Well, I kind of feel...worse... But I guess after it's all done, and after I sell a kidney to pay for it, maybe... Maybe...

I also have a pretty bad headache coming on, and as usual, I could light Christmas Eve with my bright red pimply nose.

Saturday, March 22, 2008


Man. Laura and Tim stopped by to get their prints and I got to see Laura's new haircut. It looks AWESOME! It is rock star hair. It looks like she has a lot more hair than in the picture she posted on her site, and the way she had it done today was less flat looking, more wild. Then I looked at my own hair (of course) and realized that I have 1950's housewife hair. That would be cool if I had the right house dress and one of those pointy bras... But I don't. I have a stupid sweater from Target and some jeans that don't quite fit right from Old Navy. Not very cool!

Ah well. Better luck tomorrow.

Friday, March 21, 2008


Blinding white silence
Restless children with stickers
Not enough good food

I guess that's it, because Cullen is awake now.
I'm grumpy today.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Skin experiment

So the olive oil obviously isn't doing the trick. I tried it for a month, I think that's fair, and my skin still sucks just as much, if not more than it did before. I keep having thoughts about how God is punishing me for being vain, for all the times I have said, "Thank God I have flawless skin!" and other really lame things. It dawned on me that ever since I have started "taking care" of my skin, it has gotten...progressively worse? ... Anyway, it was perfect back in the days when I never EVER washed my face or moisturized or anything.

I've decided I'm going back to that. I'm going to do nothing to my skin. At least, on my face.

At the same time, I will be drinking more water.

So I'll let you know how the "do nothing" approach goes. I bet it's going to be awesome.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

This one's a dud. Trust me.

Busy morning. This morning the county case worker, Senior therapist, and two line therapists were here. We talked about a social skills class this summer, swimming lessons, transitioning to post intensive... Interesting.

This afternoon we went to the library and borrowed a big stack of books and forgot to return two books which were due yesterday. Leta picked out a book on cows and one on a sea turtle's journey. Mina picked out a book on gardening and one on craft projects. It was a nonfiction kind of day. I picked out a book about teeth, because soon the girls are going to the dentist, and Mina has three loose teeth.

This weekend is supposed to be cold. Booo! Hisssss! Okay, I have resorted to blogging about the weather. How about something more interesting? Like...MY SKIN?

When I get hungry, my face gets flushed and starts to itch. Awesome, right? I love my body. It is always doing something interesting. That sounds terrible. I am just going to close the laptop and back away slowly now.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Snot Bubbles

Cullen is a joy even when he is sick. I hear him jabbering away and when I go to pick him up, there he is, smiling up at me, with big, gross snot bubbles coming out of his nose. I love how excited he gets every single time I pick him up. That is good stuff!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Trying to contain my excitement

because yesterday I bought some el-cheapo running clothes and today is supposed to get up to 41 degrees! I can't wait to go. I wanted to tell you all about it yesterday, but I was having trouble thinking. You know how that happens sometimes on Saturdays, right? I unwittingly chose to get about three hours of sleep Friday night so...yeah.

Anyway, I'll probably be twice as fast and strong in my new clothes. I'm sure of it. We all know how buying stuff makes you better all around, right?

I really need to purge some of our junk. Jason has an appointment to take an Easter portrait today, maybe I should make going through some junk my Sunday priority. The question is, should I plan to do a rummage sale, or should I pack up the van and donate? Ah, I should do both? Good idea.

Look, now the day is half over. Maybe next time.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Field Study: Samsas in their natural habitat from the perspective of a four year old

Leta got her birthday present early--a REAL camera from GG, Grandma, and us. She is showing promise! Maybe she can sell some prints and earn money for college.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Even More Tidbits!

ALL of the children are sick with a cold, including Cullen. This is his first time being sick. Poor guy! It's so hard for him to eat and he hasn't had a decent nap all day. I hope he gets some rest tonight, but I wouldn't be surprised if he woke a few times.

Last night Laura and I went to a local hippy coffee establishment. It was packed with people trying to study and a Stitch 'n' Bitch group. Oh, and some young guys trying to impress some young girls. I heard all this mildly stupid talk about legalizing pot and politics and that sort of thing, and had no idea there were girls in the group because the whole time they never said a word. They were very busy posing. It was kind of adorable at first, but the more I thought about it the more nauseating it became. These guys are so into hearing themselves talk that they are oblivious that the girls think the subject matter is really boring. At the same time, Come On, girls! Speak up or get out your book and start reading/writing. Have some self respect! They just sat there looking vapid. I mean, listening intently. I'm not saying that a girl couldn't think someone talking politics or whatever was totally interesting, but seriously, not these guys. They just didn't strike me as terribly intelligent. Okay. I will shut up about it now. Maybe the girls were fifteen or something.

Today was a balmy 49 degrees, and oh what a difference it made in my jogging abilities. No chest pain! No ear pain! I was comfortable in my clothes, there was no ice in the street and I was able to take a more interesting route.

I'm listening to coughing and crying from all directions. And I am okay! I guess I'm starting to feel better.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

"I promise I will also write about other more interesting things."

as promised, here is the 36753520064th edition of "tidbits":

-Yes, I have been following a program similar to the one you pointed to, Makalah. Baby steps...

-Leta has a cold. Her biggest complaint? She can't smell her blankie. For those who don't know, Leta has a blanket huffing habit.

-Mina has THREE LOOSE TEETH! Can you believe it? I have alerted the tooth fairy.

-The curl is beginning to return to my hair. It was pretty straight for a while, and now it's doing kind of a wave thing. It's something. It means...things are returning to normal. Hooray!

There. Wasn't that delightful?

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Jogging woes

You're not getting sick of hearing about this, ARE YOU? ARE YOU, 10-15 people who visit this site every day? Heehee...

Okay, so I have to complain a little. First of all, I feel like my lungs are the lungs of a wee baby because I'm really not kidding when I say that I've been pretty sedentary my whole life, aside from long but leisurely walks that don't require heavy breathing. So I get winded very quickly. Four minutes is really hard to do. Today I was able to do the first four minutes and then the second two sets I quit and started up a couple of times.

My chest hurts right up at the tip-top. Tracheal pain. It's kind of...burning...when I am about 1/2 through my jog. I think it's because of the cold air. It sucks. There, I said it.

The other thing is that during the last few minutes my inner EARS start to ache. It sort of feels like cold and burning at the same time. Could this be cold air related too? WHAT IS IT? I need answers, internet! It seems like a lot of people have had this question, but there aren't any answers. It's the same thing every time, they asked their doctor and the doctor looked at them like they were from Mars.

I hope that by the end of this week this routine is easy enough for me to move on to the next level. Right now it sucks and it's hard. Boooo! Okay. I will say that yesterday somewhere in the middle of my jog, I suddenly didn't feel exhausted anymore and felt like a champion. Go ahead, laugh. But, eight minutes later, the chest pain, the ear pain.

Okay, okay, I will stop talking about this. No, I won't. I will continue to publish my observations as I go along, but I promise I will also write about other more interesting things.

Monday, March 10, 2008

clothing crisis

I took a break from anything that typically makes my face flushed, ie exercise, while I had The Rash. Now the rash has subsided so it's time to get back in business.

I'm still wearing Jason's old running clothes. I really don't like them. I really wish I had my own, more and more, every time I put them on. The pants I'm wearing are supposed to be like tights I guess, but they're baggy on me. Oh, the waist fits fine, but the legs...not so much. It wouldn't be so bad but there's a stripe going down the side that buckles and looks goofy. It drives me nuts. I don't know how much longer I can take it. I know Jason would just tell me to go buy some damn clothes but I'm trying to be thrifty here, and the season is going to change, and then I'll be all skinny, (hahaha)... But I can't help but feel a little pang of longing when I see ladies jogging in clothes that fit them.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

I'm a gemini monkey. And I want to river-dance.

I would totally believe it, except for the part where I am supposed to be really quick-witted and entertaining. I think we can all agree that I'm tongue tied and awkward.

All about ME!

Today our family made a field trip to the rotunda of the Overture Center where they generally have kid stuff going on on Saturdays. The Trinity Irish Dancers were performing and were mesmerizing and adorable. I loves me some river dancing. The stompy shoes, the rigid posture, the doll-like costumes... It made me want to do it, but it also made me want to have a pint. Maybe even a few pints. And then maybe a fight! I digress... I guess I was just saying, yeah, we did something. Isn't that exciting? No? Two thumbs down? Okay, let's take this outside!

Friday, March 07, 2008

I am a responsible adult

Because I finally made a dentist appointment for myself. See how I am growing as a person this year, with the exercise, and the going to the doctor for stuff, and going to the dentist? Heck, this could become a new hobby! Or a new OBSESSION...

Anyway, I know you all think I'm perfect in every way, (pauses for laughter) but the truth is that I have a horrible, dirty secret.

I haven't been to a dentist in... No, I can't say it. Let's just say, I haven't been since I worked outside the home and had my own insurance and a different last name!

What's worse is that I know I've needed serious work at least since I was pregnant with Leta.

I've started to become paranoid that any health issue I have is because my mouth is full of decay. And according to those commercials, I probably have diabetes and heart disease because I haven't gone to the dentist in so long. I'm a ticking time bomb!

So, let's not focus on how gross it is that I haven't seen a dentist in so long (and really I would have gone if my teeth were visibly bad, because I am vain like that) but let's try to focus on The New Way. Yay me.

Thursday, March 06, 2008


Today the face rash was worse than ever. Itchy, swollen, tough, sandpapery, hot, red...

I went to the doctor nurse lady and she said it was probably a combination of just the right circumstances, like eating nuts and berries and eggs and exercising and being healthy--haha... Obviously my body liked me better when I was a chronically depressed chainsmoker.

Anyway, I'm to slather hydrocortizone on my face 2-3 times per day for a few days and hope that helps.

She also wanted me to list everything I ate on Monday, eliminate those things, and reintro them one at a time. But the question is, really, what DIDN'T I eat on Monday? I can say for sure I didn't eat any fish. Everything else though. I can't really remember what I did on Monday. I'll try, though, and I'll get back to you.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Look, I knitted something!

I made this hat for Jason from the wool we got at the sheep sheering we went to the other weekend. It is the first decent looking thing I have knitted. No mistakes. Hooray! I must say, it has truly been a pleasure working with this wool.

I should also tell you that this is the most comfortable hat on earth. I can't believe it's wool.

No, GG, I haven't been to the doctor for my skin troubles. Well, I haven't been outside of my pregnancies, and when these things happen during a pregnancy, doctors tend to blame those crazy hormones. But, really, all my life I have gotten hives out of the blue. They sort of move around for a few days and then vanish. Sometimes I get them after a hot shower. I suppose I could mention it the next time I'm there. Right now I don't have hives but I do have an itchy non-obvious rash that would seem like eczema except I tend to associate eczema with dry skin and my skin isn't at all dry. Good story!

Moving on...

So yeah, I hope Jason likes his new hat. Knitting sure is time consuming.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

My body and I don't get along anymore

This morning I woke up with hives on my hands. Then I was having skin temperature regulatory problems all day. My face has been painfully flushed for FIVE HOURS now. It was itchy before, too, but seems to have stopped being itchy, anyway. I took some benadryl. I can't think of anything that may have caused this. Sometimes I just get hives and become flushed for seemingly no reason at all. It's that whole delicate balance/unstable condition thing. Of course the rosacea pimply things are out and my skin feels tight.

I am not feeling very attractive right now! Hard to believe, I know. "Rosacea pimply things? Damn girl that is HOTT"...

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Why does the sun shine?

I have had this song in my head since last night.

Okay, I'm done posting for tonight. Really, I am.

Week in review!

Sunday: Day two jogging. Yay me.

Monday: No exercise. Evening Coffee avec Laura.

Tuesday: Rowed in the morning. Rowed in the evening.

Wednesday: Jogging with Stephanie.

Thursday: Autism Insurance Rally @ the capitol with Stephanie. Day four jogging.

Friday: Open house visitor day. ;) Visitors: Emily & Henry, Laura & Morella. Day five jogging. Saw They Might Be Giants at the Barrymore! Thanks, Laima! It was awesome.

Saturday (today): Nephew's birthday party and Jason doing some wedding photo. business. briefly had coffee with Sarah & the girls, grabbed a bite at Victoria's, and hurried home because we are SUPER TIRED. Srsly. SnrghhhzzzzZZZZZZZZ.

Feeding a family of five

Victoria's in Appleton. We were there for lunch. Our bill was $24. We ate as much (and as fast) as we could because we were only in town for, like, a minute, and wanted to go home. So then we boxed up our food and brought it home for dinner.

-Chicken parmigiana over rice (Jason and Mina split this)
-a ton of garlic bread and rolls (complimentary)
-macaroni and cheese (Leta's)
-huge California salad (chicken, avocado etc)(Mine)
-cheese tortellini soup (MINE!!!)

For a long time I have been dreaming about dunking buttered dinner rolls into their tortellini soup...

We had more than enough for dinner and still have lots of bread left. Oh, Jason also had an iced tea. ;)

Okay, Cullen doesn't really count, but kind of because I have to eat the food that my body makes into breastmilk, right?