Remember when I was going to elaborate on all of my Facebook status updates at the end of each week? I forgot.
This week I've been allll upset about Christianity and homosexuality. And I have been looking forward to my birthday, which is tomorrow, but mostly, the gay stuff. These are the topics most people just ignore so they can go on worshiping comfortably, but we all know it's there, don't we, if we dare to look...
I wonder what a "homosexual" way of life was in the first century AD. Were there life partners? Was it associated with prostitution? Goddess worship? Hmm... A bit different today, isn't it.
Stuff to think about and investigate.
But for now, bedtime.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Happy Birthday, Leta!
The events of Saturday, March 27th 2004
8am-Still pregnant. Breakfast with the family
10am-Waddling through the grocery store for some last minute items with mom.
12:30pm-Lunch with Mom's friend Leah at Monty's, where I downed a mocha and a breakfast burrito. Still pregnant.
2:30pm-Drove by the house I liked and headed over to a photography exhibition.
2:31pm-Looking at photography, listening to hippie music and feeling trouble brewing. Beads of sweat forming on brow.
3:00pm-THERE WAS NO BATHROOM. That's when we went back home.
3:30pm-Announced that we should get ready to go.
3:45pm-I was kneeling on the floor with my upper body on the seat of a rocking chair, breathing and rocking through some very uncomfortable contractions and Jason was looking for a watch.
4:00pm-Contractions were 1 minute long and 5 minutes apart. TIME TO GO, LIKE I SAID... ;)
4:05pm-I remember gripping the door handle through contractions on the way to the hospital and listening to The Cure.
4:30pm-Arrival at St. Mary's
4:45pm-Jason helped me into my gown and they checked my cervix in triage. 5cm.
5:00pm-Checking out the luxurious birthing room with the whirlpool and leather couches.
5:00:10pm-My back was in nonstop agony and I couldn't tell when the contractions began and ended and I did NOT want that stupid heart monitor strapped around my belly...
5:20pm-I tried out the tub. It felt pretty good although the PRESSURE was unbearable.
5:30pm-I couldn't stand the tub. I was overheating and wanted more control/stability during contractions. AND THE PRESSURE!!!
5:45pm-My wonderful fantastic superb sympathetic doctor broke my water--YEAH!!!!! Relief! One of those things people don't think is a good idea but OH EM GEE was it ever a good idea. Oh but wait--she discovered the baby's head was facing wrong direction...I gave a push and she turned it around for me, and VOILA--no more back pain! <3
6:00pm-9cm dilated...
6:15pm-This is when I couldn't seem to hold back my urge to push. I was on all fours and could no longer control my breathing.
6:25pm-Time to push! They said things like "push like you have to poop"--um..."chin down, hold your breath while you push! Relax those legs(this is hard to do...) It's coming"
6:35pm-"that's it! Just like the last one, that was great!" the unmistakable burning sensation now...and I heard them commenting on how much hair was on the baby's head...
6:46pm-Leta's head was born! Yes!
6:47pm-The rest of Leta was born! Jason and I cried tears of joy and incredible relief...
7:00pm-I was rewarded with a bagel and apple juice and it was glorious.
I had no tearing, no stitches...not even enough swelling to warrant the usual frozen diaper treatment.
There were times when I felt guilty about having such easy labors with all the kids but I just have to appreciate it.
Leta was born with black hair, a dimple and hairy little shoulders. She practically came out saying, "OooOOOOooh, that's cuuuuUUUUuute!"
Leta has always been a great company shopping, having lunch, having coffee... And right now she's making it very hard to write this so I guess I better go actually spend time with the birthday girl! Hopefully I will have time to write when the party is over.
8am-Still pregnant. Breakfast with the family
10am-Waddling through the grocery store for some last minute items with mom.
12:30pm-Lunch with Mom's friend Leah at Monty's, where I downed a mocha and a breakfast burrito. Still pregnant.
2:30pm-Drove by the house I liked and headed over to a photography exhibition.
2:31pm-Looking at photography, listening to hippie music and feeling trouble brewing. Beads of sweat forming on brow.
3:00pm-THERE WAS NO BATHROOM. That's when we went back home.
3:30pm-Announced that we should get ready to go.
3:45pm-I was kneeling on the floor with my upper body on the seat of a rocking chair, breathing and rocking through some very uncomfortable contractions and Jason was looking for a watch.
4:00pm-Contractions were 1 minute long and 5 minutes apart. TIME TO GO, LIKE I SAID... ;)
4:05pm-I remember gripping the door handle through contractions on the way to the hospital and listening to The Cure.
4:30pm-Arrival at St. Mary's
4:45pm-Jason helped me into my gown and they checked my cervix in triage. 5cm.
5:00pm-Checking out the luxurious birthing room with the whirlpool and leather couches.
5:00:10pm-My back was in nonstop agony and I couldn't tell when the contractions began and ended and I did NOT want that stupid heart monitor strapped around my belly...
5:20pm-I tried out the tub. It felt pretty good although the PRESSURE was unbearable.
5:30pm-I couldn't stand the tub. I was overheating and wanted more control/stability during contractions. AND THE PRESSURE!!!
5:45pm-My wonderful fantastic superb sympathetic doctor broke my water--YEAH!!!!! Relief! One of those things people don't think is a good idea but OH EM GEE was it ever a good idea. Oh but wait--she discovered the baby's head was facing wrong direction...I gave a push and she turned it around for me, and VOILA--no more back pain! <3
6:00pm-9cm dilated...
6:15pm-This is when I couldn't seem to hold back my urge to push. I was on all fours and could no longer control my breathing.
6:25pm-Time to push! They said things like "push like you have to poop"--um..."chin down, hold your breath while you push! Relax those legs(this is hard to do...) It's coming"
6:35pm-"that's it! Just like the last one, that was great!" the unmistakable burning sensation now...and I heard them commenting on how much hair was on the baby's head...
6:46pm-Leta's head was born! Yes!
6:47pm-The rest of Leta was born! Jason and I cried tears of joy and incredible relief...
7:00pm-I was rewarded with a bagel and apple juice and it was glorious.
I had no tearing, no stitches...not even enough swelling to warrant the usual frozen diaper treatment.
There were times when I felt guilty about having such easy labors with all the kids but I just have to appreciate it.
Leta was born with black hair, a dimple and hairy little shoulders. She practically came out saying, "OooOOOOooh, that's cuuuuUUUUuute!"
Leta has always been a great company shopping, having lunch, having coffee... And right now she's making it very hard to write this so I guess I better go actually spend time with the birthday girl! Hopefully I will have time to write when the party is over.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Elaborating on status updates
After some discussion about what facebook has done to journaling, I started to think about what it's done to blogging... Especially after having been so pleased with myself for writing when the girls were younger and being able to go back and enjoy those times through reading. Last night I spent a lot of time converting livejournal entries to XML files. I was really worried because that's five years of almost daily writing that could just go away someday. I do like the sort of ADD quick fix aspect of facebook and twitter. It's instant gratification. You publish your thoughts nearly as they happen. But I was thinking, why don't I just use this as a tool for writing bigger chunks in a journal (or blog)? Facebook can be where I take my notes, and at the end of the week, I can see what I have to write about.
That's what I'm about to do. READYSETGO!
I finally finished filling out my FAFSA and submitted it this week. I started it really early on, but I hadn't done my taxes yet, so I didn't have accurate numbers to go on. We finally got our taxes done, so I was able to OH THIS IS SO BORING NEVERMIND.
Mina got new glasses on Thursday. They're bright red and beautiful. I think it's the first wearable item she has ever been excited about, so I may have allowed her to pick unusually expensive frames... Her old glasses were these sort of crappy Shopko glasses... The new ones were handmade in Italy and purchased online at solobambini.com. (love) The difference in quality is pretty obvious and Mina says she can actually see a lot better with these. Of course, her prescription is slightly different, and her old glasses were really scratched up I'M BORED WITH THIS TOO.
Wow. It really is hard to do this now. I do not have the attention span to write more than 140 characters. Sad.
In my Drawing for Illustration class we're working on a scratchboard illustration for the Henry Vilas Zoo's 100th birthday, which is also raising money for the proposed Polar Bear exhibit. Several classes are working on it and between you and me, I WANT TO WIN. I MUST WIN. I've never been very competitive, but I think my new career path has roused a sleeping giant.
This week I have also started reading the book of Joshua of Old Testament fame. I'm not quite over the death of Moses yet. Those are big shoes to fill. I'm about ten chapters in and already have lots of questions.
I get the urge to talk about the stuff I'm reading pretty frequently and don't have too many people to talk about it. I don't necessarily always want to talk to super religious people... It's just that I think it's pretty fascinating and I know that there are other friends of mine who have always meant to read the Bible at some point even if just to strengthen their arguments against religion. I just haven't quite figured out how to have theological discussions without making people want to throw up.
I was thinking about posting some of my thoughts and questions about the things I read here, and if anyone felt like reading or engaging, they would be free to step forward.
Last but not least... Tomorrow Leta is turning SEVEN. She's having a few girls from school over for crafts and cupcakes and pizza. I'm excited to revisit her birth story tomorrow. The day before Leta was born I had my 39 week OB visit. I went with my mom, who was sick and thinking about going back home, but Dr. Demopoulos said my cervix was already FOUR cm dilated and I better have my mom stay where she was because she thought I would be having that baby within the next 24 hours. And she was right.
Now look at her. She just rescued the princess on Super Mario Brothers for the DS. They've been playing this game for months and months. This is a proud day for me as a parent. *I* never rescued the princess~
That's what I'm about to do. READYSETGO!
I finally finished filling out my FAFSA and submitted it this week. I started it really early on, but I hadn't done my taxes yet, so I didn't have accurate numbers to go on. We finally got our taxes done, so I was able to OH THIS IS SO BORING NEVERMIND.
Mina got new glasses on Thursday. They're bright red and beautiful. I think it's the first wearable item she has ever been excited about, so I may have allowed her to pick unusually expensive frames... Her old glasses were these sort of crappy Shopko glasses... The new ones were handmade in Italy and purchased online at solobambini.com. (love) The difference in quality is pretty obvious and Mina says she can actually see a lot better with these. Of course, her prescription is slightly different, and her old glasses were really scratched up I'M BORED WITH THIS TOO.
Wow. It really is hard to do this now. I do not have the attention span to write more than 140 characters. Sad.
In my Drawing for Illustration class we're working on a scratchboard illustration for the Henry Vilas Zoo's 100th birthday, which is also raising money for the proposed Polar Bear exhibit. Several classes are working on it and between you and me, I WANT TO WIN. I MUST WIN. I've never been very competitive, but I think my new career path has roused a sleeping giant.
This week I have also started reading the book of Joshua of Old Testament fame. I'm not quite over the death of Moses yet. Those are big shoes to fill. I'm about ten chapters in and already have lots of questions.
I get the urge to talk about the stuff I'm reading pretty frequently and don't have too many people to talk about it. I don't necessarily always want to talk to super religious people... It's just that I think it's pretty fascinating and I know that there are other friends of mine who have always meant to read the Bible at some point even if just to strengthen their arguments against religion. I just haven't quite figured out how to have theological discussions without making people want to throw up.
I was thinking about posting some of my thoughts and questions about the things I read here, and if anyone felt like reading or engaging, they would be free to step forward.
Last but not least... Tomorrow Leta is turning SEVEN. She's having a few girls from school over for crafts and cupcakes and pizza. I'm excited to revisit her birth story tomorrow. The day before Leta was born I had my 39 week OB visit. I went with my mom, who was sick and thinking about going back home, but Dr. Demopoulos said my cervix was already FOUR cm dilated and I better have my mom stay where she was because she thought I would be having that baby within the next 24 hours. And she was right.
Now look at her. She just rescued the princess on Super Mario Brothers for the DS. They've been playing this game for months and months. This is a proud day for me as a parent. *I* never rescued the princess~
Saturday, January 01, 2011
Goodbye 2010, Hello 2011!
I was going to do a picture post of the year in review, but it was going to be way too many pictures because I just couldn't decide on a few to accurately represent everything.
I know this year has been hard for a lot of people, and many people are hoping 2011 will give them a break from the hardships and tragedies. I hope so too.
For me, this year has been pretty great.
In February we celebrated our 8th anniversary as Husband and Wife.
I started thinking about life and people and wanting to understand both more, and began to ask a lot of questions about what people believed about life/death and why. This prompted me to email the pastor from the church/school where the girls had gone to preschool, to pick up on a "conversation" we'd started over a year before that kind of started as a heated argument... (long story) Anyway, we went out for coffee and he put up with all of my questions no matter how vicious they were. He put me up to a challenge and ever since, I've been reading the Bible, emailing insane questions and commentary, and occasionally having coffee with the pastor. It's been a big highlight of my year.
With April came spring projects and parties and friends with new babies...
In June I turned 30! I love birthdays. For my birthday we went to Milwaukee and saw Group of the Altos play on a boat. It was so lovely. There were even fireworks. Not for me, but you know, aren't fireworks kind of for everyone? My mom was awesome and babysat the kids so we could spend the night.
There were lots of birthdays and barbecues and a visit from my brilliant sister-in-law Laney (who co-authored a book of poetry that makes me super happy and you should totally check out)... And of course, a visit from "Aunt Laney" wouldn't be complete without a trip to Little Amerricka.
In August we went to Door County and stayed with my grandparents, who were renting a condo for the month. It was really nice to spend that time with them and I know the kids were just over the moon to be there, and go swimming every day and feed goats and eat ice cream...
At the end of August I started going to school at "Madison College" (MATC) full time for Graphic Design. It's been totally amazing and I love it--it has also been much harder than I expected and I don't have an extra minute for much of anything!
OH, a visit from my brother sometime in October I think. That was a treat, to spend the day doing brother/sister bonding--relaxed goofing off and wandering around without any kind of schedule. The girls were in school so it was just us and Cullen. I think Cullen and Shannon bonded, too.
I know this year has been hard for a lot of people, and many people are hoping 2011 will give them a break from the hardships and tragedies. I hope so too.
For me, this year has been pretty great.
In January, from what I can tell from my pictures, I made some fun hats.
I donated blood for the last time, maybe ever.
The Samsa family suffered a terrible loss unexpectedly.
I donated blood for the last time, maybe ever.
The Samsa family suffered a terrible loss unexpectedly.
In February we celebrated our 8th anniversary as Husband and Wife.
I started thinking about life and people and wanting to understand both more, and began to ask a lot of questions about what people believed about life/death and why. This prompted me to email the pastor from the church/school where the girls had gone to preschool, to pick up on a "conversation" we'd started over a year before that kind of started as a heated argument... (long story) Anyway, we went out for coffee and he put up with all of my questions no matter how vicious they were. He put me up to a challenge and ever since, I've been reading the Bible, emailing insane questions and commentary, and occasionally having coffee with the pastor. It's been a big highlight of my year.
In March my little princess Leta turned six. She had a ridiculous cake with a unicorn and a waterfall and a rainbow, and a party with her school friends.
My mom also gave me all of my old dollhouse stuff and I had a blast setting up all the rooms, but discovered that my kids aren't ready to handle my precious, delicate dollhouse furniture so I had to pack it up and put it in the basement so I didn't end up with everything broken.
My mom also gave me all of my old dollhouse stuff and I had a blast setting up all the rooms, but discovered that my kids aren't ready to handle my precious, delicate dollhouse furniture so I had to pack it up and put it in the basement so I didn't end up with everything broken.
With April came spring projects and parties and friends with new babies...
I believe my May was all about Cullen's rash and documenting everything he ate every single day. It's still a mystery.
In June I turned 30! I love birthdays. For my birthday we went to Milwaukee and saw Group of the Altos play on a boat. It was so lovely. There were even fireworks. Not for me, but you know, aren't fireworks kind of for everyone? My mom was awesome and babysat the kids so we could spend the night.
There were lots of birthdays and barbecues and a visit from my brilliant sister-in-law Laney (who co-authored a book of poetry that makes me super happy and you should totally check out)... And of course, a visit from "Aunt Laney" wouldn't be complete without a trip to Little Amerricka.
July was the start of dance lessons and swimming lessons for the girls. It was cool to have a little bit of Cullen time again. Summers are hard sometimes, and I feel like I don't appreciate anyone because they're all climbing all over me at the same time...
In August we went to Door County and stayed with my grandparents, who were renting a condo for the month. It was really nice to spend that time with them and I know the kids were just over the moon to be there, and go swimming every day and feed goats and eat ice cream...
At the end of August I started going to school at "Madison College" (MATC) full time for Graphic Design. It's been totally amazing and I love it--it has also been much harder than I expected and I don't have an extra minute for much of anything!
In September the girls were back in school, and fast forward until Christmas because let's face it, not much happened between then and now except for school (and a couple of birthdays)...
OH, a visit from my brother sometime in October I think. That was a treat, to spend the day doing brother/sister bonding--relaxed goofing off and wandering around without any kind of schedule. The girls were in school so it was just us and Cullen. I think Cullen and Shannon bonded, too.
Now, it's a new year, and I'm bored with this and it's taken me too long to write it and I don't know how to wrap it up but I have laundry to do. Hooray for the new year. I have no resolutions. Just going to keep being fabulous (and delusional). :)
Monday, December 13, 2010
REALLY INTERESTING BABBLE
Really. This is good stuff. Just wait.
I have a bunch of random junk floating around in my head so I decided, rather than clog up everyone's facebook with 25 status updates in a row, I'd put them here. Yeah! This place! Where I used to write!
Life balance?
This semester of school is almost over! Just two more classes and then I can go back to cleaning and drinking and cleaning and drinking. And reading. And emailing people. Then it's back to school.
Remember CDs?
I dug up some CDs today that I hadn't listened to for a while. It's amazing how much your own life experiences can color what you get out of a song. These songs have totally new meaning now because of everything that's happened in between. I listened to Tori Amos today and suddenly her lyrics didn't seem so crazy and trippy and random.
Tarot, and secrets about Jesus
One of my school projects was to design a Tarot deck. I decided to go with the Biblical symbolism already present in many classic decks because of this whole Bible reading project that's consumed this year. I even harassed my friend the pastor for ideas. (Thanks!) I know lots of people think Tarot cards are tools of the devil. I'm pretty sure they're just cards.
Somehow, all the googling I did during this project lead me to lots of reading about Christian mystics/esotericism. Something about it seems rather smug but intriguing, nonetheless. Sort of like, "Well, of course we all know that Jesus was trained by magicians..." or "You don't still believe Mary was a virgin...?" And I think, where are you getting your information? I want to know. I demand it. But it's a secret. And we all know that secrets don't make friends and friends don't make secrets!
Dr. Dude moving to MN
In other news, Cullen had his 3 year well child check on Friday. He weighs 40lbs. He's around the 95th percentile for height and weight. Pretty interesting, right? The REAL news is that Dr. Dude is MOVING. Man. It's like the end of an era. If Dr. Awesome leaves I'm going to slit my wrists. Just kidding... Wow that's not a funny joke at ALL. Sorry. He was still a resident when he delivered baby Cullen. *sniff*
Well, as my grandpa once wrote to me, I'm all out of gas for this trip.
Maybe I'll write again in a couple of months.
I have a bunch of random junk floating around in my head so I decided, rather than clog up everyone's facebook with 25 status updates in a row, I'd put them here. Yeah! This place! Where I used to write!
Life balance?
This semester of school is almost over! Just two more classes and then I can go back to cleaning and drinking and cleaning and drinking. And reading. And emailing people. Then it's back to school.
Remember CDs?
I dug up some CDs today that I hadn't listened to for a while. It's amazing how much your own life experiences can color what you get out of a song. These songs have totally new meaning now because of everything that's happened in between. I listened to Tori Amos today and suddenly her lyrics didn't seem so crazy and trippy and random.
Tarot, and secrets about Jesus
One of my school projects was to design a Tarot deck. I decided to go with the Biblical symbolism already present in many classic decks because of this whole Bible reading project that's consumed this year. I even harassed my friend the pastor for ideas. (Thanks!) I know lots of people think Tarot cards are tools of the devil. I'm pretty sure they're just cards.
Somehow, all the googling I did during this project lead me to lots of reading about Christian mystics/esotericism. Something about it seems rather smug but intriguing, nonetheless. Sort of like, "Well, of course we all know that Jesus was trained by magicians..." or "You don't still believe Mary was a virgin...?" And I think, where are you getting your information? I want to know. I demand it. But it's a secret. And we all know that secrets don't make friends and friends don't make secrets!Dr. Dude moving to MN
In other news, Cullen had his 3 year well child check on Friday. He weighs 40lbs. He's around the 95th percentile for height and weight. Pretty interesting, right? The REAL news is that Dr. Dude is MOVING. Man. It's like the end of an era. If Dr. Awesome leaves I'm going to slit my wrists. Just kidding... Wow that's not a funny joke at ALL. Sorry. He was still a resident when he delivered baby Cullen. *sniff*
Well, as my grandpa once wrote to me, I'm all out of gas for this trip.
Maybe I'll write again in a couple of months.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Happy Birthday, Cullen!
I cry a little every year on Cullen's birthday.
When I was 17 weeks pregnant the ER doctor told me I should prepare myself mentally for my impending miscarriage. Labor pain was nothing compared to what my heart felt in that moment.
Today, my boy is three! He has been such a warm fuzzy in my life since the moment I met him.
I love you so much, Cullen! Sorry I can't write more, but we have to get going for birthday dinner!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo...infinity.
When I was 17 weeks pregnant the ER doctor told me I should prepare myself mentally for my impending miscarriage. Labor pain was nothing compared to what my heart felt in that moment.
Today, my boy is three! He has been such a warm fuzzy in my life since the moment I met him.I love you so much, Cullen! Sorry I can't write more, but we have to get going for birthday dinner!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo...infinity.
Saturday, October 02, 2010
Happy Birthday, Mina! (One day late)
Mina Sachiko SamsaAbout a month before Mina was due, Jason started tearing up the carpet in our house and kicked off the tiling project of 2002. I was super freaked out about the prospect of being in the middle of this when the baby was born and I told her, "You are not allowed to be born before October first--and you are not allowed to be born AFTER October first, either!"
At around 11:30pm on September 30th I woke up in labor. Jason, remembering what we were told in Lamaze class, said we should try to get some sleep.
I couldn't sleep, and my water had broken, and the next hour or so involved Jason running around gathering photography equipment and calling people while I crawled around on my hands and knees panting!
He dropped me off at the emergency room door and went to park the car, and I crawled in going, "HEE HEE WHOOOOOO" with my pants falling down. And I was IGNORED. If I wasn't in wild animal mode I would have asked for help, I think... When Jason came in, they brought out the wheelchair. I know you're supposed to walk around, but seriously, I was way beyond that point. I barely got my pants off and she was out. I still had my pajama shirt on.
She was 8 lbs, 13 1/2 oz and 21 inches long... Chubby and cute from the moment she was born. I didn't want to be away from her and remember feeling tremendous longing when she was being held by other people across the room from me.
...
And from the moment she was born, she was a handful... I will just leave it at that!
But yesterday, when we were driving around together, and chatting the whole time, I was so moved by how much she has grown and I feel like eight year old Mina is like a reward for all the challenging times we've had! She is such a cool little person with sensitivity and insight well beyond her years. Her absurd sense of humor and creativity are an absolute joy to experience. She hardly ever cries anymore, but gets annoyed in the way that big sisters do when they're being looked at or bothered or breathed on. She no longer expects me to turn back time and make it so that I never wore the orange shirt that bothers her or do other impossible things. She is reasonable, and loves science and art and nature... She is someone I would have loved to be friends with as a kid and teenager.
Yesterday at her doctor visit she did almost all of the talking. SHE wanted to talk to the doctor about her concerns about her own health. She talked about feeling sick a lot and how nervous she gets. When he said the words "throw up" she yelled, "Don't even SAY IT! I hate hearing it, it's so gross!" But she didn't throw a fit... She talked about being nervous about germs and he said he was too and pointed out that he'd used hand sanitizer three times since entering the room. She even wanted a flu shot. She seemed slightly disappointed when they only had the mist!
After we bought the caramel apple pie she requested for her birthday she told me that the reason she wanted pie is because I don't like cake. *tear*
...
I will wrap this up by saying what I've said many times before:
At around 11:30pm on September 30th I woke up in labor. Jason, remembering what we were told in Lamaze class, said we should try to get some sleep.
I couldn't sleep, and my water had broken, and the next hour or so involved Jason running around gathering photography equipment and calling people while I crawled around on my hands and knees panting!
He dropped me off at the emergency room door and went to park the car, and I crawled in going, "HEE HEE WHOOOOOO" with my pants falling down. And I was IGNORED. If I wasn't in wild animal mode I would have asked for help, I think... When Jason came in, they brought out the wheelchair. I know you're supposed to walk around, but seriously, I was way beyond that point. I barely got my pants off and she was out. I still had my pajama shirt on.
She was 8 lbs, 13 1/2 oz and 21 inches long... Chubby and cute from the moment she was born. I didn't want to be away from her and remember feeling tremendous longing when she was being held by other people across the room from me.
...
And from the moment she was born, she was a handful... I will just leave it at that!
But yesterday, when we were driving around together, and chatting the whole time, I was so moved by how much she has grown and I feel like eight year old Mina is like a reward for all the challenging times we've had! She is such a cool little person with sensitivity and insight well beyond her years. Her absurd sense of humor and creativity are an absolute joy to experience. She hardly ever cries anymore, but gets annoyed in the way that big sisters do when they're being looked at or bothered or breathed on. She no longer expects me to turn back time and make it so that I never wore the orange shirt that bothers her or do other impossible things. She is reasonable, and loves science and art and nature... She is someone I would have loved to be friends with as a kid and teenager.
Yesterday at her doctor visit she did almost all of the talking. SHE wanted to talk to the doctor about her concerns about her own health. She talked about feeling sick a lot and how nervous she gets. When he said the words "throw up" she yelled, "Don't even SAY IT! I hate hearing it, it's so gross!" But she didn't throw a fit... She talked about being nervous about germs and he said he was too and pointed out that he'd used hand sanitizer three times since entering the room. She even wanted a flu shot. She seemed slightly disappointed when they only had the mist!
After we bought the caramel apple pie she requested for her birthday she told me that the reason she wanted pie is because I don't like cake. *tear*
...
I will wrap this up by saying what I've said many times before:
Mina, I love being your mom. You rock. Keep on being awesome!
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
Switching Gears and Eating Humble Pie
Wow, I guess it's been a while...
I'm going to be switching gears and writing a lot about the things I'm learning about in school, the feelings associated with going back to school and rubbing elbows with smelly eighteen year old boys.
Just kidding! We ALL stink, because we have to park two miles away and race to class with arms full of heavy art supplies... I envy those who take the bus and get off at the door.
Did I skip ahead? Sorry. I started school a few weeks ago. I'm a full time graphic design student. I have this conversation a lot, about being a mother of three and full time student and how on earth do you to it? Here's my secret: No cleaning, no sleeping, minimal parenting. Ta-daaaa!
Jason has been very supportive and should be applauded for his tolerance of our new life.
I've been pretty impressed with myself (oh no) so far and have been quietly patting myself on the back for awesome time management skills and stellar school performance. This is always a bad sign, isn't it? Anytime I catch myself thinking, "I'm SO AWESOME! Wow!" I'm usually about to get a swift kick to the back of the head.
I love my classes and everything I'm learning. I could not possibly be more enthusiastic about my education. Outside of school and homework, I'm noticing design elements everywhere. My view of the world is changing. Anyway, what I'm getting at is that my enthusiasm and cockiness is monstrous and... premature. For the record I felt very wrong about it all, but tried to talk myself through it and shape it in a way that would be healthy and beneficial. I mean that I don't think I could interview well if I wasn't totally convinced that I was going to rock their world, and so in this way, it's a good thing, because I'd like to get a job someday...
Starting school brings back all kinds of emo feelings. At first, I really struggled with disliking everyone around me. (Sorry, everyone around me!) It's not so bad, now. I've developed a friendly rapport with some and an appreciation for others. Also, some of these youngsters are very good little photoshop tutors.
I have two classes that are each three hours long on Mondays and Wednesdays. In both classes we spend a lot of time learning/talking about design elements seeing them in action. The difference is in the expectations. I guess this could be a lesson of considering my target audience. One instructor is pushing me to be more controlled and deliberate, to simplify and to package and deliver a neat product (though he says he isn't looking for that... his suggestions on how to improve things tell me otherwise). Then, an hour later, in a class that teaches the same things, I have someone else telling me to loosen up, go off the page, and what she doesn't know is that I'm pretty good at THAT... And I'm still trying to challenge myself by applying the NEW things I'm learning, and she thinks I am some neat and clean kind of person who should get messy and explore. And that's okay, and I should do what she wants me to do. It's just really hard to switch gears between these two classes and I feel very much humbled (read: knocked out of la-la land) when made the example of what not to do twice in one class period!
I absolutely love her, by the way. She's from Australia and she has a lovely, subtle accent and soft, melodious voice that is really easy to listen to. I really admire her sense of style, too. Maybe that's why it's hard to be criticized by her--because I think she's really cool. Maybe that's the wrong word. Pushed by her. Encouraged. I'm trying to talk myself through this.
The ice cream on top of the humble pie is that I have a huge blemish on my chin and am trying very hard not to mess with it. If only I could use "spot healing" in real life...
I'm going to be switching gears and writing a lot about the things I'm learning about in school, the feelings associated with going back to school and rubbing elbows with smelly eighteen year old boys.
Just kidding! We ALL stink, because we have to park two miles away and race to class with arms full of heavy art supplies... I envy those who take the bus and get off at the door.
Did I skip ahead? Sorry. I started school a few weeks ago. I'm a full time graphic design student. I have this conversation a lot, about being a mother of three and full time student and how on earth do you to it? Here's my secret: No cleaning, no sleeping, minimal parenting. Ta-daaaa!
Jason has been very supportive and should be applauded for his tolerance of our new life.
I've been pretty impressed with myself (oh no) so far and have been quietly patting myself on the back for awesome time management skills and stellar school performance. This is always a bad sign, isn't it? Anytime I catch myself thinking, "I'm SO AWESOME! Wow!" I'm usually about to get a swift kick to the back of the head.
I love my classes and everything I'm learning. I could not possibly be more enthusiastic about my education. Outside of school and homework, I'm noticing design elements everywhere. My view of the world is changing. Anyway, what I'm getting at is that my enthusiasm and cockiness is monstrous and... premature. For the record I felt very wrong about it all, but tried to talk myself through it and shape it in a way that would be healthy and beneficial. I mean that I don't think I could interview well if I wasn't totally convinced that I was going to rock their world, and so in this way, it's a good thing, because I'd like to get a job someday...
Starting school brings back all kinds of emo feelings. At first, I really struggled with disliking everyone around me. (Sorry, everyone around me!) It's not so bad, now. I've developed a friendly rapport with some and an appreciation for others. Also, some of these youngsters are very good little photoshop tutors.
I have two classes that are each three hours long on Mondays and Wednesdays. In both classes we spend a lot of time learning/talking about design elements seeing them in action. The difference is in the expectations. I guess this could be a lesson of considering my target audience. One instructor is pushing me to be more controlled and deliberate, to simplify and to package and deliver a neat product (though he says he isn't looking for that... his suggestions on how to improve things tell me otherwise). Then, an hour later, in a class that teaches the same things, I have someone else telling me to loosen up, go off the page, and what she doesn't know is that I'm pretty good at THAT... And I'm still trying to challenge myself by applying the NEW things I'm learning, and she thinks I am some neat and clean kind of person who should get messy and explore. And that's okay, and I should do what she wants me to do. It's just really hard to switch gears between these two classes and I feel very much humbled (read: knocked out of la-la land) when made the example of what not to do twice in one class period!
I absolutely love her, by the way. She's from Australia and she has a lovely, subtle accent and soft, melodious voice that is really easy to listen to. I really admire her sense of style, too. Maybe that's why it's hard to be criticized by her--because I think she's really cool. Maybe that's the wrong word. Pushed by her. Encouraged. I'm trying to talk myself through this.
The ice cream on top of the humble pie is that I have a huge blemish on my chin and am trying very hard not to mess with it. If only I could use "spot healing" in real life...
Sunday, July 25, 2010
In Transit
Yann Tiersen. I am addicted to this music. When I listen to Yann Tiersen, I go on a journey. It's the only time I feel like I might not mind dying because in that moment I feel okay with the whole of the human experience--the joy, the pain, the life so real you can sink your teeth into it. I think about the ugliest moments of life and feel at peace with them. God, real life can be ugly!
Uglier than you ever thought, more beautiful than you ever imagined, and amazing in a completely different way than you expect. I want to lay down on the ground and run my fingers through the grass, feel the weight of each footstep, no more and no less than it is.
I think about my tiny plot of life when I listen to this music. For a second I understand just how brief it is, and instead of feeling its insignificance, I feel... just in awe of all that sweating and filth and bleeding and eating and drinking and... how BIG it is, all that flavor, packed in such a small blip.
I don't know what to make of it.
And then we arrive at the destination, I turn the car off, I get the kids out, we buy smoothies and walk around thinking about tomatoes instead.
Uglier than you ever thought, more beautiful than you ever imagined, and amazing in a completely different way than you expect. I want to lay down on the ground and run my fingers through the grass, feel the weight of each footstep, no more and no less than it is.
I think about my tiny plot of life when I listen to this music. For a second I understand just how brief it is, and instead of feeling its insignificance, I feel... just in awe of all that sweating and filth and bleeding and eating and drinking and... how BIG it is, all that flavor, packed in such a small blip.
I don't know what to make of it.
And then we arrive at the destination, I turn the car off, I get the kids out, we buy smoothies and walk around thinking about tomatoes instead.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
The Passion of the Christ
So, we finally watched this, and wanted to jot down some thoughts.
I was immediately turned off by the devil in the garden/serpent scene, and all of the demon/Satan appearances, really.
I wasn't bothered by the portrayal of the Sanhedrin.
Jesus could have been more Jewish, though.
The humorous scene with the table made me groan a bit.
Afterward, Jason asked me what I thought. Mostly, the whole time I was watching, I was thinking about how it would be to watch one of my own children be ridiculed, tortured, and killed in such a way, and be able to do nothing to stop it. You want to shield them from pain, dress their wounds, wrap them in cozy blankets and kiss their tears away... The scene where she's kissing his toes was pretty sad.
All in all, I thought it was okay and would have been better without some of the cheesy additions to the story.
What did you think, if you saw it?
I was immediately turned off by the devil in the garden/serpent scene, and all of the demon/Satan appearances, really.
I wasn't bothered by the portrayal of the Sanhedrin.
Jesus could have been more Jewish, though.
The humorous scene with the table made me groan a bit.
Afterward, Jason asked me what I thought. Mostly, the whole time I was watching, I was thinking about how it would be to watch one of my own children be ridiculed, tortured, and killed in such a way, and be able to do nothing to stop it. You want to shield them from pain, dress their wounds, wrap them in cozy blankets and kiss their tears away... The scene where she's kissing his toes was pretty sad.
All in all, I thought it was okay and would have been better without some of the cheesy additions to the story.
What did you think, if you saw it?
Friday, July 16, 2010
Mommy Thoughts
I got to spend some time alone with Cullen tonight and I realized how much I miss being alone with him. It was so nice that I actually let him stay up an hour past bedtime. He's so lovely, calm and polite when there's no competition. Sometimes I think maybe he would have been better off as a firstborn, but then I think he would be even more unbearable when he didn't get his way or had to share. I guess I'll keep things the way they are!
Mina had an eye checkup today. Here eyes are at a standstill right now. I really hope her vision doesn't hold her back from anything in life. The (nurse?) said something about wanting to get her to a point where she would be able to drive a car, but that she wouldn't be able to be a pilot... Stuff like that just makes your heart sink a bit even if being a pilot was never in the wishlist.
Right now I'm going through some kind of separation anxiety. Cullen is asleep and Jason took Mina and Leta to a STAR PARTY at the UW Space Place where they got to build Galileoscopes and then look at the stars/planets. They have been so excited about it, but I keep thinking, what if right now Mina is having a meltdown because of a scary bathroom? What if what if what if. I check my phone, wishing for a text, wishing for a picture, wishing for some reassurance when I should relax and think no news means they are having a great time... Right?
Also, I kind of hate missing their experiences. You know what I love, though? Listening to them tell people about what they did/are doing with their daddy. It makes me a bit teary.
Still. I hope they come home soon.
Mina had an eye checkup today. Here eyes are at a standstill right now. I really hope her vision doesn't hold her back from anything in life. The (nurse?) said something about wanting to get her to a point where she would be able to drive a car, but that she wouldn't be able to be a pilot... Stuff like that just makes your heart sink a bit even if being a pilot was never in the wishlist.
Right now I'm going through some kind of separation anxiety. Cullen is asleep and Jason took Mina and Leta to a STAR PARTY at the UW Space Place where they got to build Galileoscopes and then look at the stars/planets. They have been so excited about it, but I keep thinking, what if right now Mina is having a meltdown because of a scary bathroom? What if what if what if. I check my phone, wishing for a text, wishing for a picture, wishing for some reassurance when I should relax and think no news means they are having a great time... Right?
Also, I kind of hate missing their experiences. You know what I love, though? Listening to them tell people about what they did/are doing with their daddy. It makes me a bit teary.
Still. I hope they come home soon.
Friday, July 02, 2010
Illustration Friday - "Giant"
Today's Illustration Friday theme is "giant" and this is the first thing that popped into my head.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Gifts from a dream woman
I had a dream this morning while I tried to get a little sleep on the couch after the stormy night...
Streets and buildings. A mall. Like the Avenue Mall converted to offices. Colorful yet plain, and somber. Purples and blues and pinks on the walls--but sort of muted, like grey-purple and grey-blue and grey-pink...
I was there looking for a box I'd inherited. I got the message from Jason, I think. I didn't really belong there, I don't think, and I expected to be stopped at some point, but anytime there were people, they were quiet and busy. I went upstairs and somehow found my way to the place where my box was... It was like an old dressing room and had double doors and windows of wood with little slits in them, lots of ornately carved, dark old wood.
Someone knew what I was there for, a woman, who could tell I was sort of lost/out of place. She brought me the box and said she would leave me alone to enjoy opening it. She talked about the woman who left it to me saying she knew no one would appreciate them or use them but hoped that I would somehow. The woman didn't know why the lady favored me but urged me to take them anyway even if I didn't know what to do with them. She said she would leave me alone then and gestured toward a mirror, and left.
When I opened the box I found that it was filled with oval shaped... what were they? They were beautiful and fine with ornate details along the edges... "Head coverings," I knew, suddenly. They were amazing and as I tried each one on I felt transformed as though I understood some woman I didn't know from long ago. They smelled like the most intoxicating perfume. I knew then that she'd loved them. She loved covering her hair. That to her each one was like a special piece of jewelry except more beloved because with it she gave glory to God. She loved being a woman. She loved being mysterious. And somehow she knew I loved being a woman.
Then I pulled out a small pink/red beret with a green "stem". I put it on my head and laughed as I saw red hair and freckles. I loved Strawberry Shortcake when I was a little girl. That little girl was filled with joy at that moment.
"Mom, mom, mom!"
huh?
"I SAID, CAN I HAVE SOMETHING TO EAT!" blinkblink... Leta coming into focus...
Drifting off... trying on...
"MOM!"
Leta...
I woke up then but I haven't quite shaken this dream!
...
I have had other dreams in the past about opening boxes of hats and scarves from people who had died and feeling that they were there with me.
I think maybe this was influenced by 1)eating Indian food Jason brought from his co-worker last night, 2)Reading the book of Esther last night, and 3)recently I really was given a crazy amount of hats...
Streets and buildings. A mall. Like the Avenue Mall converted to offices. Colorful yet plain, and somber. Purples and blues and pinks on the walls--but sort of muted, like grey-purple and grey-blue and grey-pink...
I was there looking for a box I'd inherited. I got the message from Jason, I think. I didn't really belong there, I don't think, and I expected to be stopped at some point, but anytime there were people, they were quiet and busy. I went upstairs and somehow found my way to the place where my box was... It was like an old dressing room and had double doors and windows of wood with little slits in them, lots of ornately carved, dark old wood.
Someone knew what I was there for, a woman, who could tell I was sort of lost/out of place. She brought me the box and said she would leave me alone to enjoy opening it. She talked about the woman who left it to me saying she knew no one would appreciate them or use them but hoped that I would somehow. The woman didn't know why the lady favored me but urged me to take them anyway even if I didn't know what to do with them. She said she would leave me alone then and gestured toward a mirror, and left.
When I opened the box I found that it was filled with oval shaped... what were they? They were beautiful and fine with ornate details along the edges... "Head coverings," I knew, suddenly. They were amazing and as I tried each one on I felt transformed as though I understood some woman I didn't know from long ago. They smelled like the most intoxicating perfume. I knew then that she'd loved them. She loved covering her hair. That to her each one was like a special piece of jewelry except more beloved because with it she gave glory to God. She loved being a woman. She loved being mysterious. And somehow she knew I loved being a woman.
Then I pulled out a small pink/red beret with a green "stem". I put it on my head and laughed as I saw red hair and freckles. I loved Strawberry Shortcake when I was a little girl. That little girl was filled with joy at that moment.
"Mom, mom, mom!"
huh?
"I SAID, CAN I HAVE SOMETHING TO EAT!" blinkblink... Leta coming into focus...
Drifting off... trying on...
"MOM!"
Leta...
I woke up then but I haven't quite shaken this dream!
...
I have had other dreams in the past about opening boxes of hats and scarves from people who had died and feeling that they were there with me.
I think maybe this was influenced by 1)eating Indian food Jason brought from his co-worker last night, 2)Reading the book of Esther last night, and 3)recently I really was given a crazy amount of hats...
Sunday, June 06, 2010
Dreams and Church
Two things today:
1) I've been having vivid dreams every night and thought it might be fun to start a dream drawing/comic diary. I might incorporate it here. Some of them are rather disturbing, though.
2) This is for those of you who go to church: What do you like the most about your church? What do you look for in a church?
1) I've been having vivid dreams every night and thought it might be fun to start a dream drawing/comic diary. I might incorporate it here. Some of them are rather disturbing, though.
2) This is for those of you who go to church: What do you like the most about your church? What do you look for in a church?
Saturday, May 15, 2010
The Great Exchange
Do you understand what it means when people say that Jesus died for your sins? Does it make sense to you? Does it also make sense that before Jesus did this, people needed to sacrifice animals? What is God's currency? How does this work? I'm sitting here with all of these pieces trying to put this together and so far it's a pile of crap! If you've put it together, lend me a hand. Thanks.
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